The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt. ~ Max Lerner

Hello old friends how are you? Hope life is good and treat you kind,  it's been a while right? and looking at number of messages and emails that stacking up in my email, comment on my instagram, my ask.fm complaining about my M.I.A I know some of you miss me so bad....  but you know what? I miss you even more. It's been 10 month and 11 days since my last post, what a bad bad blogger right? I can't believe some of you still send me messages to make some update, because if I were you I will already loose my faith. I miss blogging so much and many times actually tried to make a new post, but something always held me back. But if I don't start I will might just stop, so I was thinking... I have to make post! tonight! no matter what! and here I am.

 By the way, I just realized something it's been years and years of my blogging years and I haven't make any change to my blog layout since century ago and thinking to make a change bit ( years of blogging doesn't improve my html skill at all... at all... so please bare with me... hahaha. )

Been away for so long, we've got so many things to catch up.... let's see what's new? what's new?
well... I'm proudly announce my new brand, it's a bags brand that I build my own called EN.PENS you can check it out in here > EN.PENS <  it's been a busy year for me thanks to EN.PENS and all of my customers of course, I'm must say I'm so overwhelmed by the response ( overwhelmed in a very happy way!) . How can't I? when the bags that is suppose for 3 month stock, sold out within a week? you're all the best! I think I should make a special post for more story and detail about my brand, :)

Have I told you that I have my own column in one of the best ( if not the best) teen magazine in my country ? yes I'm a blogger columnist for GoGirl! magazine. It's actually been more than a year or so. Received so many heart warming feed back about my column, couldn't be more happier! Couldn't help to not feel like a little Carrie Bradshaw every time I typing my article in my laptop ( again, planning to share more detail about this in separated post ) for everyone who told me that they missed my writings, ramblings and all, I'm actually still writing and sharing things in my article every month.

What else? oh! I'm having DIY book project with some other blogger and hopefully will be out in January, so excited! *hint I will show you how to make porcelain blazer inspired by Roberto Cavalli in a very low budget... hohoho...

And few months back you can find my face in The Body Shop store all around my country, yes I've become The body shop ambassador for tea tree collection and  colour crush, not something I used to do, but because it's The Body Shop it's whole different story, I use their products since I can remember, my papa always bought buckets and buckets of their prouducts, it's growing on me. So it's like meant to be.

I have braces on now.

I'm freakin 10th grader now! yeah officially high school girl... *wink

No ... still no boyfriend. 

The last but not least, I found myself change a lot this year. 2013 and 2014 will be the year that I will remember my whole life, because aside from great things that happened to me,  2013 is the year where I lost the most precious thing in my life, my reason to breathe, my half, my everything and 2014 is the year where I learned to survive through it. There's so many moment I can just collapse and couldn't breathe just by the memory of it. An event that changed my life drastically, turned my life upside down, I've never been so crushed before and when I learn to passed through it I found myself wiser, not stronger only wiser, because I've never been vulnerable like I am right now, I will be forever have this big deep hole of ache in me. This is probably the real reason I can't blogging these past 10 months, it's hard to do something when your reason to live was not with you anymore and all you can do is make yourself so busy so you don't have time to think about it. I'll share with you when I'm ready. It can be tomorrow or years from now. Who knows.

That is all I can remember for now... but you can always look up to my instagram @nuhevita for more news and all, I shared my daily life there. I know it's been a crazy years and I keep myself busy to the point I feel exhausted but this is what life about, we're human, carry on, move on, survive with the best efforts. People around me keep telling me to take some rest, play and have parties like girls my age should, I told them that being busy it's the only thing that keep me sane right now, this is my kind of party. Loud musics, dark places with crazy lighting never been my thing after all.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Erma Bombeck 

So here I am now, going 16 and wiser than I ever before, I learned so many things in this couple of years and hopefully can share things with you. Because all I know right now is to live the best I can like my old man always wants me to. 

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. 

Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential,

 and fight for your dreams.

Ashley Smith

Cute striped top and Purple skirt ( they actually a set ) from Sheinside // Bag EN.PENS